


Purls Before Pie

by fresne



Category: Pushing Daisies
Genre: Character of Color, Gen, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2007, recipient:Caitrin Torres
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-21
Updated: 2007-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-09 20:23:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/91224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emerson knitted. He didn't crochet. People who couldn't tell the difference were damn fools who made Jebus the slack jawed yokel seem like Dorothy Parker table dancing on the Algonquin, which is to say the height of drunken wit and sophistication.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purls Before Pie

**Author's Note:**

> The following inspiration for this work and inspiration for my dialogue, where I am not directly quoting, because apt quotes are cool:  
> Not sure I remember, but if I quoted and didn't attribute, let me know and I'll fix it.

Emerson knitted. He was a knitter. He used knitting needles. He did not crochet. And people who couldn't tell the difference were damn fools who made Jebus the slack jawed yokel seem like Dorothy Parker table dancing on the Algonquin, which is to say the height of drunken wit and sophistication.

"You don't look at the Mona Lisa and start talking about what a great job Vincent Van Gogh did on the brush work. It'd be stupid. Just as stupid as thinking a set of knitting needles is anything like a crochet hook."

"I'm sorry I asked," said Olive in a completely non-employment-appropriate green dress. Unless that place of employment was Hooters, which the Pile Hole, even in its brief stint as the Pie Ho, was not.

Dead Girl smiled cheerily at him, which, what was up with all the cheery smiling that Dead Girl did. As if to say, look at me, I'm a dead girl and I'm making Emerson's life miserable so I think I'll smile a whole lot. Then not content with smiling at him, she asked, "Does someone need a hug?"

Emerson pulled back into the safety of the booth, which was as yet empty of either pie and coffee. He said, "No! Someone does not need a hug. Unless that someone is you getting a hug from your boyfriend so you can go back in the dirt where you belong."

"What are you talking about?" asked Olive, sitting herself right down across from him, as if she were invited instead of being someone who should be asking him what kind of pie he wanted. Not content with denying him pie, she asked, "Are you in the cahoots too?"

"No!" said Chuck, Ned and Emerson.

Ned held his hands tightly behind him and said, "There are no cohoots. Unless by cahoots you mean that Chuck is my long time friend and childhood sweetheart, and she and you and I, we all work here, and sometimes I consult on cases with Emerson, which is in no way cahoot like, but merely the interested discussion of a disinterested bystander, who is a pie maker and actually has no professional interest in murder investigations, and isn't this a free country, and I'm going to stop now."

Emerson, who had been about to get out of the booth, said, "Good, I was beginning to think you were going to hyperventilate and I'd have to slap you."

Olive sniffed. "Well, if you ask me, I think someone forgot to eat their Wheaties this morning."

Emerson had, in fact, not forgotten to eat his Wheaties. Nor had he gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. But rather, he was especially tender on the subject of confusing crocheting and knitting due to an incident years earlier. It should also be noted that his reference to the Mona Lisa and Vincent Van Gogh was not a random one.

The facts were these: in his Junior year of college while taking "Art History - Renaissance" from Professor Van Gogh, who was not a relation of the famous painter, Emerson Cod had chanced to sit next to a particularly attractive young art student named Christmas Carroll, so named because of her birth on Christmas Eve. Given her name and her birthday, Christmas had developed a veritable passion for crocheting sweaters covered in snow flakes, Christmas trees, and stars, which she gave to her friends each year on her birthday. Indeed the fall quarter was often a difficult one for her as she hooked her way through skeins of yarn as rapidly as she could hook. As Christmas was quite attractive and at that moment engaged in crocheting with a particularly soft red yarn, Emerson attempted to help the young lady by explaining the merits of knitting, which with the power of two needles might double her productivity. However, Christmas was very attached to her crochet hook, which unbeknownst to Emerson, she had inherited from her beloved Grandmother, Easter Morning. The ensuing argument caused Emerson to completely miss the vital explanation by Professor Van Gogh regarding a particular brush stroke used on the Mona Lisa, which was worth twenty points on the final. Pointless and smarting from where Chistmas'd smacked him with Easter's hook, Emerson had been touchy on the subject ever since.

None of this was apparent to the denizens of the Pile Hole, as all he said was, "There is nothing wrong with me that a slice of pie or a decent murder wouldn't fix."

"There does seem to be drought of dead bodies at the moment," said Dead Girl, who had a morbid interest in dead bodies, which made sense as she should be one herself. "All the more reason that you need a hug."

"Don't you be coming over here and giving me no hugs," said Emerson, who was beginning to think he needed another place to discuss his business. Like a bar where no one knew his name or offered him hugs, and which would be far more appropriate for a Private Investigator such as himself. Unfortunately, bars rarely had good pie and often very bad vodka that was frequently decorated with paintings by Vincent Van Gogh.

"We just want to give you a hug to help pick you up during the murder drought," said Dead Girl, smiling even more cheerily, which in Emerson's book made her a cheery hug seeking zombie.

Ned held up a finger. "I just want to mention for the record that Chuck's 'we' does not include me and I do not want to hug you."

"Me neither," said Olive, who was still sitting across from Emerson and thus denying him pie by her virtue of her non-moving rear.

"What we need is a hug chain," said Dead Girl. "Of course, because of my... allergy, I can't hug Ned, but I can hug you, and you could hug Ned."

"I just said that I didn't want to hug Emerson," said Ned.

"Why don't I get a hug?" asked Olive.

"There will be no hugging," said Emerson. "In fact, if you want to hug so much, why don't you hug Olive?"

Dead Girl's shoulders slumped. "I guess you're right. Maybe it's just me that needs a hug." Dead Girl sighed, Ned looked sad and Emerson though he might just get indigestion without even getting some pie.

But then Olive got up and hugged Dead Girl. Ned looked exactly like he always did when Dead Girl hugged anyone who wasn't him, which was a damn fool expression given that there were two young women in non-employment appropriate dresses hugging in a pie shop. Clearly, Ned was not a man who could enjoy himself.

When they were done, Emerson said, "Now that that's over, I want what I came here for."

"Moral support," said Dead Girl.

"Vicarious enjoyment," said Olive.

"I've got nothing," said Ned.

"Apple pie and I want vanilla ice cream," said Emerson, because, truth be told, the lack of dead bodies was beginning to get him down. He was starting to lose faith in humanity's -cidal nature. But then, his phone rang and his faith was restored.

It seemed that Lou and Madge Carrigan, a bridge playing couple in Ypsilanti had been stabbed to death on Christmas Eve with branches from their own Christmas tree. A thought that, along with the fifty thousand that their bridge club had raised to bring the killers to justice, filed Emerson with delight. He smiled and said, "Merry Christmas to me. I'll take that pie to go and hold the ice cream."

"You'll want cheddar cheese with that," said Dead Girl. "There's nothing like cheese with apple pie."

Emerson rolled his eyes and imagined that he was being hugged by all that money and he felt better. Almost like Christmas in January, which made it leap Christmas, which as long as it paid its bills rather than hitting him with a crochet hook, was fine by him.  


~~~~~~~~  
Comments from yuletide:

From: Dariclone  
Date: 05/07/2009 Excellent writing. You got each of the characters and the feel of the show down cold. I loved the fact that Christmas hit Emerson eith Easter's hook! Heh heh.  
From: Pouncer  
Date: 08/09/2008 Emerson! This is so perfectly him!  
From: sahiya  
Date: 01/14/2008 Hee! Love your Emerson voice.  
From: Melody  
Date: 01/01/2008 I ♥ Emerson so much in this story! Awesome!  
From: Caitrin  
Date: 01/01/2008 This is *perfect*! I love it, because the story of Christmas Caroll and Easter Morning is exactly the sort of thing I can imagine seeing on the show, and your tone was perfect, as was Emerson, and knitting and crochet are *not* the same thing at all. Thank you!

(And I am so, so sorry for taking this long to leave feedback. While the story was absolutely worth waiting for, I wish I could have thanked you sooner.)  
From: leiascully  
Date: 12/31/2007 Hee! Spot on humor, perfect narrator voice. What a bright and lovely little piece, with the puns and the references. Nicely done!  
From: a2zmom  
Date: 12/31/2007 What a delight! From Emerson's grouchiness to Chuck's over-cheerfulness to Ned's random babble, this was perfect. Emerson's backstory made me laugh and I adored the unexpected crossover murder at the end!  
From: Theodosia  
Date: 12/31/2007 "There is nothing wrong with me that a slice of pie or a decent murder wouldn't fix."

Ah, you've caught the voice and viewpoint note-perfect for me! Thanks for a little slice of heaven....  
From: Deifire  
Date: 12/30/2007 Hee! I love Emerson in this.  
From: threerings  
Date: 12/29/2007 Wonderful! Great Emerson voice! I adore it!  
From: invisibleshrew  
Date: 12/29/2007 Gorgeous! Quirky and offbeat and a very lovely Emerson POV - you fill me with show happiness.  
From: such_heights  
Date: 12/29/2007 Oh, yay! I adored reading this. :D  
From: Minim Calibre  
Date: 12/28/2007 Hee! Knit vs crochet! Crossover silliness! Yay!  
From: taskir  
Date: 12/28/2007 This is hilarious! You have Emerson down so, so perfectly, and the asides of narration about Christmas Caroll and her crochet hook hit just the right note between whimsical and weird that the show does. Great job!  
From: worldwouldend  
Date: 12/28/2007 *snort* As prickly and hilarious as Emerson himself. I just adored this.  
From: ghost lingering  
Date: 12/28/2007 HUGS. I will offer you a virtual hug in the hopes that you are more Chuck-like in your feelings about hugs than you are Emerson-like. This was great and sounded exactly like the show!  
From: Pun  
Date: 12/28/2007 Oh, fantastic! The dialog is completely dead on. Emerson's grouchy POV is perfect! I love it!  
From: Kernezelda  
Date: 12/28/2007 *laughs out loud*

You've got the voices down perfectly. What a delightful little scene! And the crossover at the end? Priceless.

*g*  
From: elvin  
Date: 12/27/2007 your Emerson voice is wonderful. I adore the whole story of Christmas and her crochet hook. and the hug chain. and how happy Emerson is when he gets the call (and the murder is genius vintage Pushing Daisies) :D

well done!  
From: Olivia Circe  
Date: 12/27/2007 This is great! Three cheers for Emerson!  
From: eternalblue81  
Date: 12/27/2007 I loved this! I felt like I was reading a scene straight from the show. The tone and Emerson's voice was perfect. Is it canon that PD set in Michigan? I was pretty surprised at the mention of Ypsilanti, although it's funny sounding name suits PD.  
From: smithereen  
Date: 12/27/2007 "Clearly, Ned was not a man who could enjoy himself." Hee. Love it! Tons of funny and a fantastic Emerson voice. Plus unwilling hug chains! Great work.  
From: kormantic  
Date: 12/27/2007 Hee. Snazzy Emerson voice!  
From: Jayne Leitch  
Date: 12/26/2007 HEE. And the surprise crossover nets you a double-HEE. :)  
From: wasienka  
Date: 12/26/2007 Great Emerson voice and lots of lovely details (Easter Morning as Christmas Carroll's grandma, Emerson's daydream of being hugged by money, etc). Charming, funny and very *Pushing Daisies* without overdoing it. All that with bonus Chuck/Olive hugging! Mystery writer, you rule!  
From: sugargroupie  
Date: 12/26/2007 What a wonderful Emerson story, I love it!  
From: paranoidangel  
Date: 12/26/2007 That's a scene that I can see exactly happening in the series. And I liked the look back to Emerson at college - it was just the right amount of silliness.  
From: sophinisba  
Date: 12/25/2007 Oh, man, perfect voice for Emerson and all the characters on this one. I especially love the part toward the end where Chuck and Olive hug, and Emerson's disparaging opinion of Ned. This had a great flow to it too. Awesome job.  
From: Shaye  
Date: 12/25/2007 Emerson! Imagining he's being hugged by all that money!

(Christmas Carroll and Easter Morning!!!)

Love it. :)  
From: victoria p  
Date: 12/25/2007 a cheery hug seeking zombie! hee! Emerson's voice here is perfect, and the stealth crossover at the end is hilarious.  
From: Kristin  
Date: 12/25/2007 I love this to pieces. The whole thing, from Christmas Carroll to the inappropriate work dresses was wonderfu. You really captures the feel of the show.  
From: firstgold  
Date: 12/25/2007 Your summary had me in stitches ... of laughter!  
From: Rachel  
Date: 12/25/2007 Oh, I loved this! Perfect Emerson voice, and great Narrator as well.  
From: Rina  
Date: 12/25/2007 Wow!! Absolutely spot on dialogue and writing style. I loved the story. Fantastic job!  
From: Castalia  
Date: 12/25/2007 This was just AWESOME. Love your Emerson voice, and bonus points for adding in all the extras about knitting. And hugs.  
From: Vonnie  
Date: 12/25/2007 Wow, what a perfect Emerson voice. And the tone of the piece is dead-on, with the dialog fast and poppy and witty. The hug-chain! Little backstory about Emerson and his art school days! This feels very much like the show. Awesome job.  
From: Roga  
Date: 12/25/2007 Eeee! This is so adorable I want to read it again right now. It was perfect all the way through, but "Christmas Carroll" did it for me. And the chain of hugs! And Ned's voice! And the bar where no one knew Emerson's name and never offered him hugs! And just so. damn. cute.  
From: usomitai  
Date: 12/25/2007 Great job capturing the voices! :D Therere points I could simply *hear* the characters. And I love the callback to Emerson's "traumatic" experience-- complicated and random, just like in the series. &lt;3  
From: Troll Princess  
Date: 12/25/2007 Okay, that was awesome. And it felt very much like the show indeed. And I'm still grinning from the "Supernatural" reference. :)  
From: swatkat  
Date: 12/25/2007 Whee! *Perfect* Emerson voice! And HE KNITS! I love this, and I'm incoherent now, so I'll stop. Wonderful job.

**Author's Note:**

> If after reading my fiction here, you would like to read more about me and my writing check out my profile.


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